Green daydream
Under a disorderly meadow's shadow,as day topples past noon, skya semblance of some thirty years,when eyeline was just below my kneeand horizon, a sharp grass blade,wildlife hides with an occasional...
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Matt!!!this is ABSOLUTLY PERFECT! One of the very best you've penned and I have read...maybe even my favorite!!!!Love the mood , love the scene , love the ...well, too many "love that part" to...
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I agree with Shirley Matt. This is one of your very best. It's reflective, descriptive, sensitive - beautiful but I'm a bit sad and annoyed with you for wanting to be in Paradise! Not yet!...
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Its maybe just my love for you and the wish to share this world with you and the thought that there should be something that makes you wish to be in this world, and if its just me sometimes -- but the...
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By "paradise" I mean like a "mind Bahamas", I don't mean heaven, I intended it to read as "bliss" or something along those lines "higher conciousness" etc, it's not a deathwish.I'll revise this, it...
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Im relieved Thought it was just me.........Ill get back to this again!Cassia
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I've revised the last stanza, I'm not totally happy with it, but I'llfind the right words in a while. Thanks for the feedback. MattAiap
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Creative! Beautiful! Awesome! Indeed a joy to read such work crafted by a master poet...Thank you for sharing!May each one of you walk in peace and kindness. Always!
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I liked the ending the first way, although thi nice too. But I understood it as wanting to be on'the edge' of conscious relity nd tht higher consciousness of a 'paradise' condition (like Bahamshs...
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OhMatt,The changed ending is fine...althoughI understood the first, and my have perferred it, as I totally identified with it, maybe because I am a bit of a 'loner' and need to escape the bussle...
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Phew! Thank Heaven for that! - perhaps it's just me in a foggy moment! I still think that Paradise here would be a sort of double entende. Could you perhaps use something like Nirvana - a word that...
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Hm, now what Shir said makes me feel bad -- maybe it was better before? Matt, please dont mind my way of reading the old ending if you preferred that one! It was just the combination of "for though I...
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hahahahahahaaaaaaaa I say we blame it ALL on JEAN!!!! ...Oh, AND CASSIA!!!!...well, we your poetry Matt ...and you know for shir that we READ every word!!! Let's go goils... , our work here is done "...
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In the original ending -it's not meant to be the "end of the world" but the edge of the world as if it was still considered to be flat, as if you could stand there & feel the rush of the unknown....
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May I be the first to offer my congrats for your winning poem of the week, masterpen! I know you arent really happy about that, as youd prefer others to win, but still, you simply got the most votes,...
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